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| this is a lot of information you probably dont know so if you dont want to read it.. i mean im warnign you now stop reading. if you read it, i know your going to get extrememly mad at me, i know you are, and i might not here from you again for a while, but this is a jist of how my last relationship went, and this is why i wont date you, because you ARE too good for me. and i have to admit (trying not to be concieded) but i do feel as though i learned from my mistakes and ive changed but, who knows. i havent been with anyone in a while. ready, set, go: you ahad ur chance to read it. bye. | | |
| for all the boys who think they like me, this is the perfect song for you---> read it, listen to it, sing it, and weep. bye.
hate me, blue october
(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 3)
And when the sad hard eyes say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swollow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...
i just cried...again..... maybe in three months ill leave this song on a cd and run away. see what mommy does :) BYE ALL. | | |
| wow worst night of my life maybe? my mom caught me coming home drunk i like fell five thousand times abd barely remember themost of it. i cant stand drinking and i always tell myelf ill never do it again but i always come running back for it. i seriously just use it as an escape from reality and it always makes reality worse... well soemtimes with the karma i guess. what goes up must come down. half of me wants to run away and half of me wants to tell her EVERYTHING. its not even funyn im prob just going to confess about alst night... i mena ihad at least two people taking care of me and it wasnt bad until i got home., i didnt drive either. wow ims o fucked/ SOO FUCKED. and im so embarrassed too, it was like an exact remake of... the night i met nic haha. im not goign to go into detail because i know for a fact mr krause will get oober pissed. but WOW WOW WOW WOW mommy is going to flip, i think i hear her coming home... yah shes for sure home. anyways i have no idea what to do other than tell her about last night, suggest counceling since i drink to escape for reality and fake a smile everyday, tell her how im sorry im ruining her life and i failed as a child because of everything ido. i mean im not even smart, i should probably not even have her waste her money on me for college, due to the fact that i got a fucking 20 on my first act, and itlike onlygoes up one point each time from there GREAT.fan fucking tastic. thank god im goign to costa rica on monday, i can get out of everyones hair. i wont have a phone while im there... so dont expect any phonecalls unlessi have urnumbermemorized haha. i havejims, i should print off a sheet ofphone numbers. i think ill do that when im done wiht this little journal.wow the price is right, some old black lady jsutbid 61 thousand on a corvette shocase, wholey shit she jsut got it with 2302 left over. haha she like fainted. i shouldnt laugh i faint all the time.. im soo happy i just went into the bathroom and saw that i took my razors out. guess i wanted to end it early. w.e i still do. BLAh don tlisten to me im a freak and no one should be my friend. im just depressed... i seriously tink i am or im justliek fucked up in the head/. idk waht else to say other than imout. idk what img ogin to do my mom is home and im sure shecan hear my tv and can hear me type soo idk maybe ill email her orsomehting. k bye.
ps: dont let me fuck up ur life too... | | |
| time to spill my braINS out again :) so this wont be in any particular order OR make any sense... but lets see, first ill blurt out that i think im goign to go on an all liquid diet haha ... idk if thats good for me though... maybe ill add some beans in there for protien. wow i want to go to ballys today... since ive been up since six and no ones up and if no one calls soon idk what im goign to do.. uhm go alone? haha embarrassing.? damn old people who think im legal. elts see what else, oh so since the wedding i went to the best man is in love with me. calls me three times a day, texts me and leaves me myspace messages sayin : 'hay what you up to today?' hay? ur cool. anyways he saw me at summerfest and like pulled me away from my friends, i mean i got a beer out of it... i think three actually but it was still scary i mean we saw a lot ofppl we knew (because kt was wiht me still) and it took us forever to find davie jay :( because we went with all of them... anywhooo when i finally spotted dave i told him to pretend he was my boyfriend, like the good guy is he did for me. and i was like best man meet my boyfriend... sorry haha i feel bad because he baught me beer then i went and like made dave hold my hand haha. woops. but he keeps callin and i have him in my phone as DONT ANSWER MKE haha because his name is mike. i feel bad but the fucker is 24, and best friends with my uncle and friends wiht my mom... its not cool. rapist. im deathly afraid of rapists... like i have bad dreams about it and everything. no i dont believe ive ever been raped dotn worry but its still scary. i was reading 17 magazine yesterday while tanning, and sure enough there were a few cute little stories about rape victems in there. very interesting... makes ya think, about all the fuckers in the world, like literally its not cool. i wish someone would teach them a lesson. awe im watchinga movie called like cool or soemthing? haha idk its got christina milian in it or howevery spell her name, but whenever i watch movies or listen to music i seriously get shivers if its really good haha and she just sang so good haha im in love with her hehe. lets see what else could i talk about. ohh this one will piss you off. pretty sure im hanging out with nic tonight alone? maybe idk but for the first time all summer. this will be interesting. im supposed to think of somethign to do, i kind of just maybe want to take his boat out or something. id really like to get him fucked up but im afraid itll get him in trouble since his mom is on him like white on rice haha. wellllll i think i might go to the quarry? run the quarry? haha talking to myself. uhm two ppl have access to this, maybe three. and they all prob hate me. its all good. LATER! keep my secrets safe :)
peace out playas | | |
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